my birthday is coming up. and some people asked me what i wanted. but from most of my friends, i think the best would be just a nice dinner or a favor and no material gift at all. here is my explanation:





The Art of Gift Giving by Michael Ma (rough draft)



gift giving is more complicated than you think. it depends on 2 elements. giving the best gift possible can be determined by the type of person, and the relationship between the two. i will discuss the problems in some scenarios and suggestions on how to give the best gift possible. sometimes the best gift is no gift at all.



there are 3 types of people in this world.

type 1 - ones who likes getting presents from all their friends and family. more presents the merrier. these people are easy to shop for. harder to disappoint. type 1's are easy to identify. they're the ones who give you gifts during your birthdays, and they give out a lot of presents during christmas.



type 2 - and one who likes getting presents from someone that's willing to put a lot of thought into the gift giving process but only from a person that they wish to see this show of affection from. what the gift receiver is hoping to receive is the thought and care the giver is willing to express.



type 3 - a mixture of type 1 and type 2. likes to receive a lot of gifts, but if the person is special, they'd like to receive or give a gift with a lot of meaning. you can either choose these people to be either type 1 or type 2 depending on what kind of a relationship you have with this person.






type 1 giving to type 1 - (just good friends. nothing special going on between the two) - no problems here. the giver will buy the gift, and the receiver will be happy with it. the giver won't make the mistake of spending too much time.



type 1 giving to type 1 - (giver has special feelings for receiver, but receiver doesn't have mutal feelings for the giver) no problems here. the giver will easily find the perfect gift, and the receiver will be happy getting the gift.



type 1 giving to type 1 - (receiver has special feelings for giver, but giver doesn't have mutal feelings for the receiver). as long as the giver gives the receiver a gift, everyone will be happy.



type 1 giving to type 1 - (they both have mutual special feelings for eachother.) any present would do. more useful the present is the better.






type 2 giving to type 1 (just good friends. nothing special going on between the two) - type 2 is used to shopping for gifts with a lot of meaning. since there is no special feelings the giver would like to express, but looking for a gift with meaning, this is a difficult task. suggestion. just buy them something useful. something they need. even if they don't need it, they'll be happy getting the gift. probably the only reason type 2 is giving the gift to type 1 in the first place is because the giver knows that the receiver likes getting presents, and is only returning the favor of giving a gift back. if the receiver doesn't get a gift, they might take it the wrong way.



type 2 giving to type 1 (giver has special feelings for receiver, but receiver doesn't have mutal feelings for the giver). the giver will spend too much time looking for a perfect gift, when any gift will do. you will never please the receiver as you are hoping to. so just spend less time and don't set yourself up for a disappointment. this is the least rewarding scenario of the gift giving process. lot of money, time, and meaning lost.



type 2 giving to type 1 (receiver has special feelings for giver, but giver doesn't have mutal feelings for the receiver). any present the receiver will be able to interpret as a really good gift. the receiver is very easy to please. the giver knows not to spend too much time. and probably is only buying the receiver a gift because the giver received a gift on his or her last birthday from the receiver.



type 2 giving to type 1 (they both have mutual special feelings for eachother.) suggestion is to not spend too much time on buying the gift. the receiver will be really happy with anything, but the giver will spend too much time anyway. time is lost, but both parties will be mutually happy.






type 1 giving to type 2 (just good friends. nothing special going on between the two). best not to give the receiver a gift. but the giver will give them a gift anyway. and when the giver's birthday comes around, the receiver will feel obligated to give them a gift. suggestion, best gift is no gift at all. buy them a lunch or something.



type 1 giving to type 2 (giver has special feelings for receiver, but receiver doesn't have mutal feelings for the giver). - the giver will always buy the receiver something. can't help it right? there is a waste of money here.



type 1 giving to type 2 (receiver has special feelings for giver, but giver doesn't have mutal feelings for the receiver). the receiver will typically be disappointed with the gift they receive because it usually doesn't have more meaning. it would send the wrong signals to put too much time and meaning into gifts in this scenario, so i don't suggest a change. giving gifts in this scenario is only slightly better, but the receiver will never get what he's hoping to get.



type 1 giving to type 2 (they both have mutual special feelings for eachother.) the receiver is looking for somethign with a lot of meaning. suggestion, spend more time to put more meaning into the






type 2 giving to type 2 (just good friends. nothing special going on between the two). these people usually don't give gifts to eachother. best of both worlds. giver doesn't give anything, the receiver doesn't expect anything, and they're both happy.



type 2 giving to type 2 (giver has special feelings for receiver, but receiver doesn't have mutal feelings for the giver). be careful what you give. if you put too much meaning, which you will, the receiver will be put in an awkward situation.



type 2 giving to type 2 (receiver has special feelings for giver, but giver doesn't have mutal feelings for the receiver). if you give them a gift with meaning, you will be sending the wrong signals. i suggest not giving gifts at all, which is probably what will happen anyway.



type 2 giving to type 2 (they both have mutual special feelings for eachother.)

hardest to shop for and but if you give the right gift, it's the most rewarding scenario of gift giving. most amount of effort, for the most amount of appreciation.






for the record, i am a type 2 for birthdays, and type 3 for christmas. the best example of type 1 is Nguyen. he gives out gifts on birthdays, and receives gifts on his birthday. when he buys me a gift, i'm usually disappointed. the worst gift he got me was 2 years ago when he went to the UCSD bookstore and just bought me some caselogic stuff. on top of it being a waste of money, it had no meaning. i do expect something from him this year, only because i gave him something this year. but i'll be just as happy if i don't get anything from him this year. this means that i won't have to get him anything for his birthday next year.



best example of type 2 is my friend Jeff. he hates buying gifts, and doesn't expect or want anything on his birthday, unless it was from a girl that he liked. he's told me so, and i wish everyone that were type 2's just would tell others.