Monday, March 21, 2005

quarter life crisis

why does a quarter life crisis happen? i think it happens when you realize that your outlook of things to come (if you just kept on doing what you're currently doing) falls far short from your expectations of how you invisioned your life was going to be. i look around and see my friends having less time to hang out, buying real estate, new cars, and getting engaged (or about to) to an all around great person who is a good match for them, and i look at myself and see how far behind i am. why am i so different than what seems to be the norm? its true that i should try to be my own person and not want things just because other people have them. i agree with that, but all the things listed is what i want. i want to move ahead in life, have some real estate investments, and at least be in the dating scene and looking for prospects. i have none of that so far. i'm still in just a state where i'm a college graduate trying to find what i want to do with my life. Its been almost 4 years since I graduated, and progress is pretty much zero. pathetic don't you think? What I'm more worried than anything else is having no close friends who i see regularly as the years go on, as they become more focused on starting their own families. that's if i keep doing the same thing i'm doing now, which has been absolutely nothing.

i always said i try to regret nothing, and that had been true. maybe because i never had too many things to regret over, but as these things (my dull outlook on life) are revealed to me, i find myself regretting things i should have done quite a bit. i was at a bbq just the other day and saw someone i was good friends with a few years back. i look at her now and can't help but think to myself, "good god. what the hell was i thinking back then. the door was wide open for me to at least make some advances on her. it was painfully clear we were both attracted to one another at least for a little while. she even slept over for godssake. why did i let this one go?" and if i just had a half a nut, maybe i would have had enough balls to do something about it back then. and i look at myself now, and if i knew what i was thinking now, would i do things differently? and the sad thing is I really don't know for sure. I would like to. and that's what really bothers me. I'm just disappointed at myself when i meet someone from my past (since they apparently have no place in the future). I'm just truly truly disappointed at myself that its just eats me up inside for days.

1 comment:

  1. Not that it helps, but I think we've all felt this way at one point or another, to one varying degree or another. Heck, I think most of us are still feeling that way...

    But hey, I think most of us are going to be around for the long haul, don't worry 'bout that. :)