Saturday, June 19, 2004

post #446

Say what? yeah....I've written 446 entries. I haven't updated in a while... long story short, I'm having back problems again. its definitely not nearly as bad as before, but it's no ordinary muscle pull or a kink. i can honestly say that its got better since i injured it, and significantly better than when it was at its worst (for this injury). first question people ask is how i injured it. the only improper thing that might have caused it was trying to lift this heavy ass chair at work in the machine room. i dunno why it was heavy, maybe it was bolted to the floor or something. but i didn't really exert myself all that much. and if stuff like that is gonna injure me this severely, then I really gotta re-examine how I'm going to live my life from now on and make some major changes. its severe enough that i haven't been to work for the last week and a half. i think its almost better to where i can try going to work and sitting and see how it feels. but i'm not going to push myself, and probably not gonna lift weights at the gym for a while.

whenever something bad like this happens the first thing that pops in my mind is "man I hope this is just a bad night mare." and there is a long pause to see if i wake up. a lot of the times, it is a bad nightmare. unfortunately this one is not one that I'm going to wake up from. the second thought that pops up is "if I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with this condition, do I want to continue on with life?" and it dawns on me that even if i had all the money in the world, there isn't much else that could be done. sucks, doesn't it? why can't they grow a new and improved spine (or maybe just a disc) in a test tube and give me a spine/disc implant? well, i guess i can just tell them to fuse 2 vertebraes together. i'll probably lose at least about a 1/2 an inch of height...and who knows what the drawbacks are when your vertabraes are fused...

i should really stop complaining. there are a lot worse things to be suffering from. i should be glad that i don't have a terminal condition or not have the use of all my arms and legs. so many people have it so much worse, and are more thrilled about what life has to offer for them than I do at the moment.

i went to the acupuncturist today. even though the drive was absolutely excruciating (for some reason, my car chair is unbearable to sit on for more than a few minutes). since the place where i just cut my hair was down the block, i went to get a haircut also. since i was long overdue for a haircut, i thought it would be something to lift my spirits, and it also was a preventative measure so that I don't end up with a mullet like last time.

its kinda ironic how i reinjured my back right after that one night two weeks ago i decided to cruise around san diego and reflect on how thankful i should be after going through all the places that reminded me of my initial injury a year ago. i took a detour on my way home and headed down to torrey pines beach, then went back up to downtown la jolla, to pb, to san diego zoo, to the coronado bridge, to coronado, to that strip of road south of coronado and back. i took that drive to reflect and let out frustrations. i thought i would have something good to say about that night. but i now that i reinjured my back, it really just doesn't make any sense. santa claus, please give me a new spine.

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