can't believe its already thursday. another week has almost past. next week is the re-fit test for the wellness class. it used to be that i would have seen the 9 week class as an achievement on its own. i'm really glad i've taken this class. i definitely have gained knowledge, and it has given me an opportunity to change up my routine. it is also going to serve as a gateway on taking more classes in the future. this is my 7th year at UCSD, and i'm still in my first rec class. but i am excited to take many more. its a toss up between wellness 2 or pilates for the next quarter.



change in topic but i have been researching dogs. i wish i could get a dog. i could get a cat now because the apartment does allow cats, but too many of my friends are highly alergic to cats. i won't be able to get a dog unless i live in a house. if i were to get a dog, my first choice would be a whippet. a dog that won't mind going jogging 2-3 miles 3 times a week. one reason i thought i should get a pet goes back to the whole self improvement thing that's become the prime focus in my life recently. what i have trouble doing is expressing my affection in a physical way. like i would like to hand out more hugs, give a squeeze of the shoulder, or just give a few back rubs now and then, but it doesn't come natural to me. i do try when i can, but i'm always wondering it is appropriate or if it will make them uncomfortable in any way. first time i held hands with my first girlfriend in high school, i was rather disappointed. it felt more awkward and weird than something good. it was a little eaiser to hold hands and such with a second girlfriend. still i was always wondering "hmmm...should we hug now....i never know.". it could be that my mother wasn't a physically affectionate person. i can't remember a single instance where my mom has hugged me. it's not that i don't remember my childhood either. i think i do have an extroridinary memory trace and can basically remember things in detail decades later. yet i can't remember when my mom ever has shown physical affection. if you have heard that not holding your baby enough leads them to strange behavior, i'm a living example that will add more proof that the theory is correct. so i really want to change so i can show affection in more than just words and not pass this weird trait along to my future offsprings. i need to make an effort. now how do i start? i can't just go around handing out hugs to all my friends when they gotten to know me as someone who rarely does that.



speaking of pets, the reason i wanted the get a chihuaua for the longest time is because when my dad owned a pet store, there was this chihuaua that really grew on me instantly. he would want to bite just about everyone else's head off, but it would come sleep next to me on my bed. i knew i couldn't keep him, so he would go back to the pet store on a daily basis, and my dad would bring him home often. i called the pet store to make sure they brought him home again. and my brother told me that it tried to run away, got hit by a car, and died. i was heartbroken. i always wonder if he ran away in search of me. i'm not sure why it was so attached to me but for the week that i had it, i was really proud of it. i feel sorry for all the pets we had for a short time while we were growing up. we had a silky terrier named annie. it was one of the most well bred silky terriers i've seen to this day. to it's own bad luck, it had to live with our family for a few months. it was officially my sister's dog, but she got tired of it, and didn't really take care of it. i always thought the dog should have been washed every few days rather than every week or two. and the dog seeked a lot more attention than she was willing to give it. it would come to my room and i wouldn't pet it because i admit i was bored with it too even though i knew how sad the dog was. and i wasn't going to wash what wasn't my responsibility. but now i feel crummy about it. it was just seeking some affection and attention. now is it all that hard to give? it deserved better. i feel bad just about every dog that we brought home. all so kind and friendly. they were just looking for a nice family. the ones without homes have a really hard life you know.



except the chihuaua, i'm pretty sure they went to a nice home. we only brought home the expensive good looking ones. so that made it more likely for them to be cared for better. we had to give annie away for free because we couldn't officially keep dogs in the apartment we lived in back then. i heard annie is doing quite well. an older couple took her in. and supposedly gets treated better than they treat themselves. i also heard it gets birthday cakes too. wtg annie. scored a nice caring family. its getting what it deserves. kinda like winning the lottery after living in the ghetto for a dog.