is it just me or does my blog really suck? maybe i hide the ugliness, and when nothing is beautiful, there is nothing new. maybe i'll be a little honest and talk about the whole truth.



i think every thing that i do turns into some kind of an obsession. whether it is a food that i like, or something i like to do, i do it excessively until i get bored of it. for example, a few years ago, i started to really like caesar salads. so what did i do? i ate it for 15 days straight, until i didn't feel like eating it any more. in high school, this guy was really good at mine sweeper, and i wanted to beat his record. i eventually did after about 6 weeks of playing 6-8 hours a day. and to make it worse, people say i'm a perfectionist, and and one of the most competitive people they've ever met. i know i can get pretty competitive if i have enough interest in it, but i never saw myself as a perfectionist, but maybe it's true. my latest obsessions are: trying to get fit and healthy (you'll know if you've read any blog from the last 3 months). and i think i'm picking up a new one....cleanliness. my room needs a lot of work...but, it will eventually be spotless. i guess these obsessions, if they are obsessions at all, are good ones. i sometimes worry about getting in a relationship where i will over do everything to a point where things lose flavor. but i'm pretty sure i've matured enough since high school.



maybe making it an obsession is what makes me reach for goals that some people never even consider achieving. hopefully i'll be able to obsess about my career case damn, i could use more money.



i've been driving really agressively the last week or so. testing the limits of my car basically. taking sharp turns, and driving almost double the speed limit baiscally every where i drive, on and off the freeway. i know i am nothing to the read hard core people like jeff and his friends who would do 150 on a busy street if the car was able. but still i'm not doing myself any favors driving this agressively. this is not good because i've been trying to increase my testosterone levels (for muscle building and fat burning).....i think my road rage has been climing recently. i sometimes blank out thinking of what i would do in a blind rage to a motorist if he dared rolled down his window and shared his opinion. but maybe these are just fantasies, because i know enough to not initiate on doing something really stupid and throw my life away. i think i get this blind rage from my dad. something in his blood or brain chemistry. i'm pretty sure my brother has it too. but hopefully we've learned from the mistakes of our father and know not to act out in fury. the blanking out is what scares me...by blanking out i mean...for example, i'll be driving, then i'd blank out thinking of something, and then when i come back to reality, it feels like i took all 100% of my attention away from driving. and i have no recollection of how i was able to drive while i was blanking out. but the thoughts i have when i was blanking out is clear, and i remember them. i think this is normal for every guy. some worse than others.



today, i got to work late (doh), and as soon as i went down, we went to a birthday lunch at the pub. and our department manager gave us all beer money. i thought it was quite funny, especially what my parents would think if they knew. honestly though, i think they'd be a little shocked and amused at the same time. now if i was 18....they wouldn't be thinking that. since i don't drink, i just bought myself some bottled water and a large order of spicy curly fries for the table. big mistake. i ended up eating about 3/4 of the curly fries and then getting sick of eating all that grease afterwards. never again.......never again....



i'm taking a day off work tomorrow to wait for the carpet cleaners. if they do come early, i'll just go to work after they are done. no use walking all over wet carpet all day. talking about work...one thing at work is really getting me ticked off. whenever my boss, asks for something i almost always give him what he asks for the same day. now when i ask for something, the cell phone they were supposed to get me, it has taken more than 8 months so far, and still nothing. he forgets every day. basically the only thing i've asked for, he can't seem do this one thing for me. i know there are some things not under his control, but getting over the barriers to get things done is what working at UCSD is all about. if i only knew it was going to take this long to get a cell phone through my department, i would have gladly signed up for service last july. the contract would be up next month. he's a great boss. but he's gotta spend just maybe 30 minutes and just get this done for me. 8 months is ridiculous, especially when my turn around time for his requests are usually a few hours. it's like he doesn't want me to get it for some reason. every time i think of it, it gets me fuming.



i think i inhaled too much Raid trying to kill those damn ants...that are springing out from nowhere again.