decisions decisions...
my birthday is this saturday...but i'm not putting together the usual gathering. i figured i'd just celebrate later when i'm better, but a good number of people said they might be stopping by. if a party does break out, it would be better if its more organized by at letting people know that its my birthday this weekend at least. hmmm...but my apartment can't keep more than a handful of people occupied at once...oh well. i really don't know what expect. i'll just play it by ear.
as for my recovery, i'm still on pretty strong medications but i notice i'm on my feet a lot more, slowly returning to things i normally do one by one. i think i got a few weeks (maybe 2 to 4?) to go before i can get off the meds and return to work.
on a different subject, i've come to realize that it is no longer necessary to download and save movies in advance anymore. with kazaa lite, you can basically download any movie out there in about 1-3 hours. and that's just gonna get better and better. i gotta rethink this whole movie collection thing.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Monday, August 25, 2003
just came back from a moderately lengthy drive. went to savons then drove all the way to the end of miramar and got gas. driving felt really good. just hearing the engine rev while i mash the gas and feeling the acceleration was something i haven't done in a while. but i definitely have lost touch with driving. for the first time in my life, the speed limit seemed fast enough. far different from always driving 15-25mph above the speed limit and always feeling 100% in control of every bump and pebble on the road. i was kinda weaving out of lanes, having to pay a lot more attention to keeping the car centered in the lanes. i'm sure i'll get the hang of it in no time. but i'll definitely go driving more at night just to get my groove back as i get better.
on the subject, just last 2 days have been great. i finally seem to be able to wake up with no pain after the medication has worn out. it is a different story when i stand up but it's a sure sign of great improvement. life is starting to return to normal. people say that the symptoms are kinda like a roller coaster. it will be good one day, bad the next, etc. but if it isn't, i'd say i have about 2 weeks before i start making it out to the outside world. right now i'm just testing the waters. currently i cannot sit down for a long meal, or obligate myself to any social event without having the luxury to bail at any moment if the pain (caused by inflammation) sets in.
the last 3 months or so have been kinda weird. as much as i'd like to spend more time outside, i have started to not miss it as much and gotten more comfortable to staying home. and right now, if i were able to start making it out, i don't think i'd appreciate it as much as i would have appreciated it 6 months ago. i really don't know how to explain why it looks like its gonna feel this way, but if i were to return, i would expect that nothing has changed, everything would be just where i last saw it (not very exciting). still, it doesn't mean that i'm gonna pick up where i left off and not be changed in any way. not sure how it has subconsciously has affected me, but i'm going to try to appreciate more of what i have and appreciate more of all the good things that life has to offer. i'm also going to put more focus in: health (no more abusing the body one way or the other), family (put more effort in finding/meeting/developing the relationships with the right mate), career (care more and be proud of what i do to earn the $$). i wish i can subconsciously put religion as my number 1 priority but it wouldn't be an honest prioritization. and until i feel that way i know i'm just fooling myself if i put that up any higher. so until i feel that way, i'll make a concious effort in trying to prioritize that higher, but currently it's somewhere below the first three priorities. hopefully that will change.
another way that i'll be different is that my new motto will be "moderation is key". far different than "to the extreme". without cracking a vanilla ice joke, i'm saying that one of the reasons i injured myself this bad was because all the abuse i have done to my body the last 24 years has caught up with me. the 6 years of smoking, not sleeping enough sleep during jr high and high school year, sleeping the majority of my sophmore year on a couch, overstacking my pillow when i sleep, slouching all my life sitting at the computer for hours, eating beef jerky and microwave foods as my primary nutrition, not eating enough vegetables or protein until i was an adult, never getting all my vitamins or minerals, eating too much protein and no fat for an extended time, eating too much salt, sleeping flat on my back all my life, taking dangerous suppliments, going on massive food binges, going on excessive starve diets, not drinking enough water most of my life, working out too excessively, not listening to my body, never had a normal sleep schedule, etc. etc. the list goes on and on. why did i do this? well, for starters, i came from a pretty poor family who also didn't know jack about proper nutrition. second, i inherited my dad's stubborness, so whatever advice my mom gave me went in one ear and out the other. plus, i like doing things knowing i'm doing something longer, better, harder, and more excessively than anyone who has done it. all this is the why i'm lying in bed with an injury that people usually have in their 40s-60s. too late now but if i had the choice to do it all over again, i would definitely go for it. i'm surprised i didn't have a major injury sooner. all i can do is do my best from his point on to protect what i have and treat it the best way possible.
on the subject, just last 2 days have been great. i finally seem to be able to wake up with no pain after the medication has worn out. it is a different story when i stand up but it's a sure sign of great improvement. life is starting to return to normal. people say that the symptoms are kinda like a roller coaster. it will be good one day, bad the next, etc. but if it isn't, i'd say i have about 2 weeks before i start making it out to the outside world. right now i'm just testing the waters. currently i cannot sit down for a long meal, or obligate myself to any social event without having the luxury to bail at any moment if the pain (caused by inflammation) sets in.
the last 3 months or so have been kinda weird. as much as i'd like to spend more time outside, i have started to not miss it as much and gotten more comfortable to staying home. and right now, if i were able to start making it out, i don't think i'd appreciate it as much as i would have appreciated it 6 months ago. i really don't know how to explain why it looks like its gonna feel this way, but if i were to return, i would expect that nothing has changed, everything would be just where i last saw it (not very exciting). still, it doesn't mean that i'm gonna pick up where i left off and not be changed in any way. not sure how it has subconsciously has affected me, but i'm going to try to appreciate more of what i have and appreciate more of all the good things that life has to offer. i'm also going to put more focus in: health (no more abusing the body one way or the other), family (put more effort in finding/meeting/developing the relationships with the right mate), career (care more and be proud of what i do to earn the $$). i wish i can subconsciously put religion as my number 1 priority but it wouldn't be an honest prioritization. and until i feel that way i know i'm just fooling myself if i put that up any higher. so until i feel that way, i'll make a concious effort in trying to prioritize that higher, but currently it's somewhere below the first three priorities. hopefully that will change.
another way that i'll be different is that my new motto will be "moderation is key". far different than "to the extreme". without cracking a vanilla ice joke, i'm saying that one of the reasons i injured myself this bad was because all the abuse i have done to my body the last 24 years has caught up with me. the 6 years of smoking, not sleeping enough sleep during jr high and high school year, sleeping the majority of my sophmore year on a couch, overstacking my pillow when i sleep, slouching all my life sitting at the computer for hours, eating beef jerky and microwave foods as my primary nutrition, not eating enough vegetables or protein until i was an adult, never getting all my vitamins or minerals, eating too much protein and no fat for an extended time, eating too much salt, sleeping flat on my back all my life, taking dangerous suppliments, going on massive food binges, going on excessive starve diets, not drinking enough water most of my life, working out too excessively, not listening to my body, never had a normal sleep schedule, etc. etc. the list goes on and on. why did i do this? well, for starters, i came from a pretty poor family who also didn't know jack about proper nutrition. second, i inherited my dad's stubborness, so whatever advice my mom gave me went in one ear and out the other. plus, i like doing things knowing i'm doing something longer, better, harder, and more excessively than anyone who has done it. all this is the why i'm lying in bed with an injury that people usually have in their 40s-60s. too late now but if i had the choice to do it all over again, i would definitely go for it. i'm surprised i didn't have a major injury sooner. all i can do is do my best from his point on to protect what i have and treat it the best way possible.
Friday, August 22, 2003
just shopped for groceries online for the virst time at vons.com. it was a pleasant experience. the site was done really well. they have a $10 off coupon and free shipping for $150 and up. also i don't think they charge tax for some reason. so i saved more than $30 today. not bad.
here is what i bought
Qty Description Total
1 Haagen Dazs Strawberry Ice Cream - Pint $3.99
1 Kelloggs Eggo Banana Bread Waffles - 12.3 Oz $2.59
1 Kellogg'S Eggo Blueberry Waffles - 12.3 Oz $2.59
1 Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza Lean Pockets - 2-4.5 Oz $2.00
1 Steak Fajita Lean Pockets - 2-4.5 Oz $2.00
1 Lean Pockets Turkey/Broccoli/Cheese - 9 Oz $2.00
1 Lean Pockets Philadelphia Steak With Cheese - 9 Oz $2.00
1 Knudsen Sweet Butter Halves - 8 Oz $2.99
1 VONS Large AA Eggs - 12 Count $2.39
1 Oroweat Bread 100% Whole Wheat - 24 Oz $2.39
1 VONS Jumbo Hot Dog Buns - 6 Count $1.59
2 Healthy Choice Chicken Breast Oven Roasted Thin - 6 Oz $3.32
2 Healthy Choice Turkey Brst Mesq - 6 Oz $3.32
2 Healthy Choice Turkey Smoked Honey Roasted Thin - $3.32
1 Hillshire Farms Polska Sausage Lite - 16 Oz $4.49
1 Johnsonville Beer N Bratwurst - 19.76 Oz $4.99
1 Mixed Apples. Pre-Packed - 5 Lb $3.99
1 Red Globe Seeded Grapes - Bulk $3.78
4 Broccoli - Bulk $1.29
1 Green Leaf Lettuce - 1 Each $1.29
1 Mushrooms White Sliced Pre-Packed - 8 Oz $1.99
1 Yellow Onions. Pre-Packed - 3 Lb $2.59
1 Tomatoes 6ct Pkg. Pre-Packed - 4 Count $2.99
1 Star Extra Light Olive Oil - 44 Fl. Oz. $11.49
8 Balance Bar Gold Chocolate Peanut Butter - 1.76 Oz $8.00
10 Balance Bar Gold Crunch Choc Choc - 1.76 Oz $10.00
10 Balance Bar Gold Crunch Smores - 1.76 Oz $10.00
10 Balance Bar Gold Triple Chocolate Chaos - 1.76 Oz $10.00
1 Best Foods Mayonnaise - 16 Fl. Oz. $2.49
3 Wolf P Ckn w/Roasted Potatoes & Garlic Soup - 14.5 Oz $4.47
3 Wolfgang Puck Soup Old Fashion Beef Pot Pie - 14.5 Oz $4.47
3 Wolfgang Puck Soup Beef Steak And Potato - 14.5 Oz $4.47
3 Wolfgang Puck Soup Chicken Pot Pie - 14.5 Oz $4.47
24 Starkist Tuna Chunk Light/Water - 6 Oz $12.00
1 Tostitos Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips - 20 Oz $2.50
1 Salsa Medium Deli Counter - 16 Oz $1.99
here is what i bought
Qty Description Total
1 Haagen Dazs Strawberry Ice Cream - Pint $3.99
1 Kelloggs Eggo Banana Bread Waffles - 12.3 Oz $2.59
1 Kellogg'S Eggo Blueberry Waffles - 12.3 Oz $2.59
1 Sausage & Pepperoni Pizza Lean Pockets - 2-4.5 Oz $2.00
1 Steak Fajita Lean Pockets - 2-4.5 Oz $2.00
1 Lean Pockets Turkey/Broccoli/Cheese - 9 Oz $2.00
1 Lean Pockets Philadelphia Steak With Cheese - 9 Oz $2.00
1 Knudsen Sweet Butter Halves - 8 Oz $2.99
1 VONS Large AA Eggs - 12 Count $2.39
1 Oroweat Bread 100% Whole Wheat - 24 Oz $2.39
1 VONS Jumbo Hot Dog Buns - 6 Count $1.59
2 Healthy Choice Chicken Breast Oven Roasted Thin - 6 Oz $3.32
2 Healthy Choice Turkey Brst Mesq - 6 Oz $3.32
2 Healthy Choice Turkey Smoked Honey Roasted Thin - $3.32
1 Hillshire Farms Polska Sausage Lite - 16 Oz $4.49
1 Johnsonville Beer N Bratwurst - 19.76 Oz $4.99
1 Mixed Apples. Pre-Packed - 5 Lb $3.99
1 Red Globe Seeded Grapes - Bulk $3.78
4 Broccoli - Bulk $1.29
1 Green Leaf Lettuce - 1 Each $1.29
1 Mushrooms White Sliced Pre-Packed - 8 Oz $1.99
1 Yellow Onions. Pre-Packed - 3 Lb $2.59
1 Tomatoes 6ct Pkg. Pre-Packed - 4 Count $2.99
1 Star Extra Light Olive Oil - 44 Fl. Oz. $11.49
8 Balance Bar Gold Chocolate Peanut Butter - 1.76 Oz $8.00
10 Balance Bar Gold Crunch Choc Choc - 1.76 Oz $10.00
10 Balance Bar Gold Crunch Smores - 1.76 Oz $10.00
10 Balance Bar Gold Triple Chocolate Chaos - 1.76 Oz $10.00
1 Best Foods Mayonnaise - 16 Fl. Oz. $2.49
3 Wolf P Ckn w/Roasted Potatoes & Garlic Soup - 14.5 Oz $4.47
3 Wolfgang Puck Soup Old Fashion Beef Pot Pie - 14.5 Oz $4.47
3 Wolfgang Puck Soup Beef Steak And Potato - 14.5 Oz $4.47
3 Wolfgang Puck Soup Chicken Pot Pie - 14.5 Oz $4.47
24 Starkist Tuna Chunk Light/Water - 6 Oz $12.00
1 Tostitos Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips - 20 Oz $2.50
1 Salsa Medium Deli Counter - 16 Oz $1.99
Ryori no Tetsujin (aka Iron Chef)
my new tv thing is Iron Chef. i think soon, i will have watched about 45 episodes of it...nearly all the internet has to offer. unfortunately that's not even half of the series, but they haven't even come out yet on TV (they are still working on dubbing the show in english). iron chef's learning curve is at the very experienced level so its really hard to pick up anything since they go so fast and their ingredients are so complicated. the other show i'm into is Good Eats, and the show is geared towards all the different learning curves, and every show, you learn a great deal in information (history, technique, important key points, and the reasons why you do some things). this show along with some other shows on the food network has inspired me to add one more goal in my list of things to accomplish in my lifetime.
Here are the extra goals besides the obvious (career, family, money):
Learn to play guitar at a professional level (40% there)
Learn to play piano at a professional level
Play blackjack at a professional level (75% there)
Become a certified personal trainer
Become a certified chef at a culinary institute
.....just occured to me that i put too much focus into these extra goals and not enough focus on the important stuff career, family, money. so from now on, for every effort i put into my extra goals, i'll put the same amount of effort for the more important things. thank you blogger for making me notice.
my new tv thing is Iron Chef. i think soon, i will have watched about 45 episodes of it...nearly all the internet has to offer. unfortunately that's not even half of the series, but they haven't even come out yet on TV (they are still working on dubbing the show in english). iron chef's learning curve is at the very experienced level so its really hard to pick up anything since they go so fast and their ingredients are so complicated. the other show i'm into is Good Eats, and the show is geared towards all the different learning curves, and every show, you learn a great deal in information (history, technique, important key points, and the reasons why you do some things). this show along with some other shows on the food network has inspired me to add one more goal in my list of things to accomplish in my lifetime.
Here are the extra goals besides the obvious (career, family, money):
Learn to play guitar at a professional level (40% there)
Learn to play piano at a professional level
Play blackjack at a professional level (75% there)
Become a certified personal trainer
Become a certified chef at a culinary institute
.....just occured to me that i put too much focus into these extra goals and not enough focus on the important stuff career, family, money. so from now on, for every effort i put into my extra goals, i'll put the same amount of effort for the more important things. thank you blogger for making me notice.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
its just a waiting game now
well, i had a post-op appointment with the surgeon today. and he said i'm just about where he expected me to be. not bad, but not great either. i asked him how long it was going to take for the swelling to go down and he said a while. he couldn't give me a straight answer. so i'm guessing from anywhere to a week to even a month or more? dang. this means that i won't be putting together the normal get-together on the day of my birthday. i'll probably just rest at home and let whoever remembers to come over. so whenever the swelling goes down and i can finally make it out for recreational activities, i'll throw a get together to thank everyone who has helped me out in a tough time, and also to celebrate my recovery and birthday.
so until then, i just have to wait for the swelling to go down. right now the swelling is big enough that it's causing me enough pain for me to not stand or sit comfortably.
is the toss salad man fake?
after a good amount of searching, i have concluded that there was no HBO America Undercover special about the Toss Salad Man. It does not come up on google, and HBO does not have it listed in their archives, so I guess it was something that Chris Rock made up. it's funny because some people are convinced that the special exists and some even think they've seen it. i guess after you've heard the Bring the pain skit so many times you start forming fake memories in the noggin'. same thing as Eyewitness Testimony, and how it should not be allowed in court, ever.
tigertrap.buick.com
has anyone else heard of this? tiger woods is going around giving away a $35k buick SUV's to golfers who can land on the green closets to the pin. i'm sure he'll be criticized for giving away cars to people that don't need it. hey tiger, why not go to the homeless shelter and see who can kick the soda can closets to the wall and give that man some descent food? i think you'll be doing more good.
well, i had a post-op appointment with the surgeon today. and he said i'm just about where he expected me to be. not bad, but not great either. i asked him how long it was going to take for the swelling to go down and he said a while. he couldn't give me a straight answer. so i'm guessing from anywhere to a week to even a month or more? dang. this means that i won't be putting together the normal get-together on the day of my birthday. i'll probably just rest at home and let whoever remembers to come over. so whenever the swelling goes down and i can finally make it out for recreational activities, i'll throw a get together to thank everyone who has helped me out in a tough time, and also to celebrate my recovery and birthday.
so until then, i just have to wait for the swelling to go down. right now the swelling is big enough that it's causing me enough pain for me to not stand or sit comfortably.
is the toss salad man fake?
after a good amount of searching, i have concluded that there was no HBO America Undercover special about the Toss Salad Man. It does not come up on google, and HBO does not have it listed in their archives, so I guess it was something that Chris Rock made up. it's funny because some people are convinced that the special exists and some even think they've seen it. i guess after you've heard the Bring the pain skit so many times you start forming fake memories in the noggin'. same thing as Eyewitness Testimony, and how it should not be allowed in court, ever.
tigertrap.buick.com
has anyone else heard of this? tiger woods is going around giving away a $35k buick SUV's to golfers who can land on the green closets to the pin. i'm sure he'll be criticized for giving away cars to people that don't need it. hey tiger, why not go to the homeless shelter and see who can kick the soda can closets to the wall and give that man some descent food? i think you'll be doing more good.
Saturday, August 16, 2003
just a little longer....? hopefully
i think recovery is going well. i really can't say anything definite until i go see the surgeon again next week and he gives me his opinion.
i'm just a little pessimistic because i'm back in bed in pretty much the same position. and i'm so used to getting injured and it not healing.
right now 2 things are bothernig me. the area where the operation was done (the muscle is really sore), and the incision area.
and the sciatica. i still have that because its gonna take at least a few weeks for that to settle down since my sciatic nerves were getting short circuited for 5 months straight. so if those 2 things heal up, i would say i'm about 95% recovered. the other 5 percent will be me going to physical therapy to get me walking completely straight and strengthen my core. this might actually take a few weeks to a few months.
other stuffs
today i downloaded finding nemo and xmen 2 on suprnova. i was surprised that the dvd's for these movies were out already since these encodes were obviously encoded from dvd. so i looked up the release dates no amazon, only to find out that the dvd's haven't even been announced yet. only thing on amazon are the movie showtimes. and the encodes are not screeners either. i'm starting to wonder where these guys are finding the souce of the movies.
i think recovery is going well. i really can't say anything definite until i go see the surgeon again next week and he gives me his opinion.
i'm just a little pessimistic because i'm back in bed in pretty much the same position. and i'm so used to getting injured and it not healing.
right now 2 things are bothernig me. the area where the operation was done (the muscle is really sore), and the incision area.
and the sciatica. i still have that because its gonna take at least a few weeks for that to settle down since my sciatic nerves were getting short circuited for 5 months straight. so if those 2 things heal up, i would say i'm about 95% recovered. the other 5 percent will be me going to physical therapy to get me walking completely straight and strengthen my core. this might actually take a few weeks to a few months.
other stuffs
today i downloaded finding nemo and xmen 2 on suprnova. i was surprised that the dvd's for these movies were out already since these encodes were obviously encoded from dvd. so i looked up the release dates no amazon, only to find out that the dvd's haven't even been announced yet. only thing on amazon are the movie showtimes. and the encodes are not screeners either. i'm starting to wonder where these guys are finding the souce of the movies.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
back from the operating table
in short, surgery was like everything i expected, but the recovery was not.
so the night before surgery, i tried going to sleep at 1:30, but since i had been going to sleep far later than that, i just couldn't go to sleep especially without medicine. so before 6:30 am, i had only gotten an hour of sleep tops. so me and my mom got to the hospital on time at 7:15. and then got put in a gurney while i waited for surgery. not being medicated for the past 8 hours, i just kept tossing in discomfort and pain on the gurney until the surgery started after 3 hours of waiting. so they wheeled me over to anestheisa, they injected me with some stuff for anesthesia, and a second after they put the gas mask on me, i was out like a light bulb. i'm sure they asked me to count down from 10, or 1 to 10, but they didn't get a response. so i wake up and i feel distinct pain in 2 places...where they made my incision and for some reason my urethra....so that was the pain i kept pointing out, and they said it was the cathoder and they were gonna remove the thing that was causing the pain...i was too concerned about the pain to question why the hell they put that there.....so after they removed it (excruciating pain) half the pain was gone and i could now focus on the morphine i needed for the pain that was in my back. i kept telling them to shoot me some more morphine while i was in the recovery room. so by the time they were able to get my pain under control, they had given me 5-6 shots of morphine, and my pain was still about 2-3 on a scale of 1 to 10 if i didn't move. they were really surprised how much morphine they ended up giving me after the final count. i guess since i was on pain killers for so long, my tolerance for them was high and morphine didn't really feel like much. i thought it was supposed to be powerful stuff. but to me, it didn't feel like much at all. i thought what was going to happen was that i was going to wake up after surgery all drugged up and happy without feeling pain. but i actually woke up without any morphine and i had to request all that i needed. so after about an hour half in the recovery room
so they wheeled me off to my room meeting up with my mom in the waiting area, and moved me from the gurney to the bed in my room using this sliding plate to just push me off the gurney to my bed. and then they were coming in to give me more morphine, antibiotics, water...some breathing apparatus, take my bp, talk to me about the operation, etc. when i started drinking water, i started getting really nauseous. i was unbelievably thirsty so i was drinking a lot of water, but it really was just filling up in my stomach because i was at capacity, and just a few more sips would just make me unbeliebably nauseous. i realized that the water and just any movement of my arms, head, or just talking really made me nauseous. so they gave me pills and added stuff to my drip to deal with the nausea. wendy, ray, and casey stopped by when i was really sick, and i told them that i was really nauseous and speaking made it worse, so even though i wanted them there, i just kept my eyes shut, and didn't move. i also had another run in with the cathoder tube.....and this time i had to be awake for them to put it in and take it back out. i think this is as good as i can describe it. say that your manshaft is actually just a solid piece without a urethra and opening. well, imagine them sticking a nail all the way through, leaving it in there for a while, then taking it back out. the pain is unbelievable...like even with after waking up with surgery, the cathoder was the first thing i wanted to take care of. so after all this, there is definitely some damage and its super sensitive. you are going to be pissing fire for the next 2 days. they need a better way to do this....at least some local anesthetics or something.
so after about 8am the next day, i was finally over the nauseousness, and could finally start eating. so they ordered me a all liquid meal at breakfast. that came about 3.5 hours late...they requested it about 8 times cause it just wouldn't come, so they finally contacted the director of the meals dept, and they the meals after came really quickly...i probably got served first actually. we figured all the nauseousness was all gone since i was able to drink eat all the liquids just fine. so they decided i would get regular meals from now on. so a few minutes after i finished my breakfast, lunch came, and since i had eaten all liquid, that was not a problem. they served some roast turkey with gravy, stuffing, beef barley soup, and some other stuff. it was all pretty good. people kept asking me how bad the hospital food was but since i was staying in one of the best public hospitals in california, i was pretty well off. i had my own room which allowed visitors 24 hours a day. guests could sleep over (and they would make accomodations for them) if they wanted. had a nice huge window with sun light in my room. the wooden floors of course. my own bathroom with even a shower. so the hospital stay probably couldn't have been any more comfortable. when the doctor noticed that i was still taking morpine and both tablets of vicodin every 4 hours, along with the nausea, he said he said unless i was in a rush to get out, that i should stay till the next day.
physical therapists came over and took me out of my room for short walks and they said i was doing really well, and gave me a lot of pointers what i could do and definitely shouldn't do. wendy visited me again on the second day. she came over and chilled over for a good while. then erik came over with judy and stayed for a little bit. it turned out that our exchange server had suffered another hardware failure. yikes. they were working on it from 8pm to 7:30am. wow....i wonder what comments were made my way. hopefully they were sympathetic to my own pains during that hour. anyways, for dinner, i had lasagne (i'd give it a 8 out of 10), minestrone, and some pastry with peach on it. casey visited me around 11pm. after that i tried to go to sleep in between the times when the medication was working. woke up each time the medication wore off. i decided if they were going to discharge me, i figured they'd want me to at least stop getting the morphine, so i just decided to tough it out and just go with vicodine starting that evening. so my second day at the hospital was something i would have expected on the first day. i was just caught off guard with the pain and nauseousness the first day.
in the morning, i got breakfast just the way i ordered it, scrambled eggs, sasage, bacon, pancakes, and oj. after that the guy who did the actual operation came by. told me that the operation went really well, and when they went inside, the problem looked really clear, and they were happy with what they were able to accomplish. i still feel phantom pain, and they said i should be feeling that for a long while, at least a few weeks because i had been shortcircuiting those (sciatic) nerves for the last 5 months. i'm going in another week from now for an evaluation from the surgeon. and hopefully they'll be able to tell me that everything went well, and they'll be able to give me a referral for rehab so i can get completely straight (i'm almost straight now, but still a little crooked since i've been in that position for so long). and he said i should need quite a bit of physical therapy but that's no problem for me. i'm just glad that i'm on a sure track to 100% recovery now.
i can stand all i want but i'll be limited from sitting more than 15 minutes at a time at most 4 times a day. but after i get the evaluation that everything really worked out, and when i'll be expecting to sit more than 15 minutes, i'll write out a list of activites and places i've been craving to catch up on what i've been missing for the last 5 months. since i'm going to still need a day or to be able to feed myself, my mom will be here till tomorrow (thursday) to help me with that. i don't have too much pain walking around but since i've been in bed for 5 months, my core and blance is really not there (and no extension on the muscles), and i feel like i'm learning to walk again. i'm guessing i should be able to pick it up pretty quickly once i get going. just a little more time on my bed and in the apartment and i should finally be able to get out.
in short, surgery was like everything i expected, but the recovery was not.
so the night before surgery, i tried going to sleep at 1:30, but since i had been going to sleep far later than that, i just couldn't go to sleep especially without medicine. so before 6:30 am, i had only gotten an hour of sleep tops. so me and my mom got to the hospital on time at 7:15. and then got put in a gurney while i waited for surgery. not being medicated for the past 8 hours, i just kept tossing in discomfort and pain on the gurney until the surgery started after 3 hours of waiting. so they wheeled me over to anestheisa, they injected me with some stuff for anesthesia, and a second after they put the gas mask on me, i was out like a light bulb. i'm sure they asked me to count down from 10, or 1 to 10, but they didn't get a response. so i wake up and i feel distinct pain in 2 places...where they made my incision and for some reason my urethra....so that was the pain i kept pointing out, and they said it was the cathoder and they were gonna remove the thing that was causing the pain...i was too concerned about the pain to question why the hell they put that there.....so after they removed it (excruciating pain) half the pain was gone and i could now focus on the morphine i needed for the pain that was in my back. i kept telling them to shoot me some more morphine while i was in the recovery room. so by the time they were able to get my pain under control, they had given me 5-6 shots of morphine, and my pain was still about 2-3 on a scale of 1 to 10 if i didn't move. they were really surprised how much morphine they ended up giving me after the final count. i guess since i was on pain killers for so long, my tolerance for them was high and morphine didn't really feel like much. i thought it was supposed to be powerful stuff. but to me, it didn't feel like much at all. i thought what was going to happen was that i was going to wake up after surgery all drugged up and happy without feeling pain. but i actually woke up without any morphine and i had to request all that i needed. so after about an hour half in the recovery room
so they wheeled me off to my room meeting up with my mom in the waiting area, and moved me from the gurney to the bed in my room using this sliding plate to just push me off the gurney to my bed. and then they were coming in to give me more morphine, antibiotics, water...some breathing apparatus, take my bp, talk to me about the operation, etc. when i started drinking water, i started getting really nauseous. i was unbelievably thirsty so i was drinking a lot of water, but it really was just filling up in my stomach because i was at capacity, and just a few more sips would just make me unbeliebably nauseous. i realized that the water and just any movement of my arms, head, or just talking really made me nauseous. so they gave me pills and added stuff to my drip to deal with the nausea. wendy, ray, and casey stopped by when i was really sick, and i told them that i was really nauseous and speaking made it worse, so even though i wanted them there, i just kept my eyes shut, and didn't move. i also had another run in with the cathoder tube.....and this time i had to be awake for them to put it in and take it back out. i think this is as good as i can describe it. say that your manshaft is actually just a solid piece without a urethra and opening. well, imagine them sticking a nail all the way through, leaving it in there for a while, then taking it back out. the pain is unbelievable...like even with after waking up with surgery, the cathoder was the first thing i wanted to take care of. so after all this, there is definitely some damage and its super sensitive. you are going to be pissing fire for the next 2 days. they need a better way to do this....at least some local anesthetics or something.
so after about 8am the next day, i was finally over the nauseousness, and could finally start eating. so they ordered me a all liquid meal at breakfast. that came about 3.5 hours late...they requested it about 8 times cause it just wouldn't come, so they finally contacted the director of the meals dept, and they the meals after came really quickly...i probably got served first actually. we figured all the nauseousness was all gone since i was able to drink eat all the liquids just fine. so they decided i would get regular meals from now on. so a few minutes after i finished my breakfast, lunch came, and since i had eaten all liquid, that was not a problem. they served some roast turkey with gravy, stuffing, beef barley soup, and some other stuff. it was all pretty good. people kept asking me how bad the hospital food was but since i was staying in one of the best public hospitals in california, i was pretty well off. i had my own room which allowed visitors 24 hours a day. guests could sleep over (and they would make accomodations for them) if they wanted. had a nice huge window with sun light in my room. the wooden floors of course. my own bathroom with even a shower. so the hospital stay probably couldn't have been any more comfortable. when the doctor noticed that i was still taking morpine and both tablets of vicodin every 4 hours, along with the nausea, he said he said unless i was in a rush to get out, that i should stay till the next day.
physical therapists came over and took me out of my room for short walks and they said i was doing really well, and gave me a lot of pointers what i could do and definitely shouldn't do. wendy visited me again on the second day. she came over and chilled over for a good while. then erik came over with judy and stayed for a little bit. it turned out that our exchange server had suffered another hardware failure. yikes. they were working on it from 8pm to 7:30am. wow....i wonder what comments were made my way. hopefully they were sympathetic to my own pains during that hour. anyways, for dinner, i had lasagne (i'd give it a 8 out of 10), minestrone, and some pastry with peach on it. casey visited me around 11pm. after that i tried to go to sleep in between the times when the medication was working. woke up each time the medication wore off. i decided if they were going to discharge me, i figured they'd want me to at least stop getting the morphine, so i just decided to tough it out and just go with vicodine starting that evening. so my second day at the hospital was something i would have expected on the first day. i was just caught off guard with the pain and nauseousness the first day.
in the morning, i got breakfast just the way i ordered it, scrambled eggs, sasage, bacon, pancakes, and oj. after that the guy who did the actual operation came by. told me that the operation went really well, and when they went inside, the problem looked really clear, and they were happy with what they were able to accomplish. i still feel phantom pain, and they said i should be feeling that for a long while, at least a few weeks because i had been shortcircuiting those (sciatic) nerves for the last 5 months. i'm going in another week from now for an evaluation from the surgeon. and hopefully they'll be able to tell me that everything went well, and they'll be able to give me a referral for rehab so i can get completely straight (i'm almost straight now, but still a little crooked since i've been in that position for so long). and he said i should need quite a bit of physical therapy but that's no problem for me. i'm just glad that i'm on a sure track to 100% recovery now.
i can stand all i want but i'll be limited from sitting more than 15 minutes at a time at most 4 times a day. but after i get the evaluation that everything really worked out, and when i'll be expecting to sit more than 15 minutes, i'll write out a list of activites and places i've been craving to catch up on what i've been missing for the last 5 months. since i'm going to still need a day or to be able to feed myself, my mom will be here till tomorrow (thursday) to help me with that. i don't have too much pain walking around but since i've been in bed for 5 months, my core and blance is really not there (and no extension on the muscles), and i feel like i'm learning to walk again. i'm guessing i should be able to pick it up pretty quickly once i get going. just a little more time on my bed and in the apartment and i should finally be able to get out.
Monday, August 11, 2003
in less than 12 hours from now, i should be done with surgery.
as the hour draws near, i guess a little bit of nerves are finally starting to kick in. kinda like the feeling you get when you're waiting in line for your turn at the dentists office and you know he's gonna drill. i'm not really scared of drills or shots they give you at the dentists office. most of the times i make it out with some fillings without actually blinking in response to pain. i guess what i'm feeling now is anticipation. maybe in the last 24 hours it was a bad idea to watch a mock full open back spine surgery on a episode of tales from the crpt, and just now i just saw "anatomy of a shark bite" where the guy gets his calf on his left leg completely ripped off by a shark (all caught on tape.)
good thing for the anesthesia it has the ability to calm and knock you out. i guess why i'm not too nervous about this is because i know this is something that needs to be done, and worrying about it really does not effect its outcome. it's just a waste of energy. so why worry about something you have no control over? i'm just going to get there, fall asleep, and wake up with a small hole in my back where they had to go through to remove the herniated part of the disc. hopefully if all goes well, i should be getting to thornton by 7:00am, done with surgery at about noon on monday (technically today), and they'll be checking me out whenever the doctor is about to sign me out the next day. i'll be taking a small book to read just in case i can't find anything good to watch on tv. i'm planning to have my cell phone with me and AIM set up so i can use AIM through my phone (even though type is really painstakingly slow). i guess what would be nice would be to have a laptop if this surgery required me to stay a couple of days. i wonder what public hospital will be the first to have a computer terminal set up for each bed. i don't think we're too far away. but we're definitely not there yet.
my mom will be staying with me probably only through tuesday. hopefully she won't try to keep too busy and actually take some time to relax while she's actually taking 2 days off of work for the first time in ages. i wish i can hang out with my mom and show her around san diego a little bit while she's here but it probably won't be a great idea right after surgery. unfortunately it wasn't meant to be this time.
i'll start progressing from small walks to sitting for longer periods of time starting tuesday since they said i don't require any days of bed rest after i leave the hospital. i'll still probably spend most of my time in bed for the first few days taking it easy.
as the hour draws near, i guess a little bit of nerves are finally starting to kick in. kinda like the feeling you get when you're waiting in line for your turn at the dentists office and you know he's gonna drill. i'm not really scared of drills or shots they give you at the dentists office. most of the times i make it out with some fillings without actually blinking in response to pain. i guess what i'm feeling now is anticipation. maybe in the last 24 hours it was a bad idea to watch a mock full open back spine surgery on a episode of tales from the crpt, and just now i just saw "anatomy of a shark bite" where the guy gets his calf on his left leg completely ripped off by a shark (all caught on tape.)
good thing for the anesthesia it has the ability to calm and knock you out. i guess why i'm not too nervous about this is because i know this is something that needs to be done, and worrying about it really does not effect its outcome. it's just a waste of energy. so why worry about something you have no control over? i'm just going to get there, fall asleep, and wake up with a small hole in my back where they had to go through to remove the herniated part of the disc. hopefully if all goes well, i should be getting to thornton by 7:00am, done with surgery at about noon on monday (technically today), and they'll be checking me out whenever the doctor is about to sign me out the next day. i'll be taking a small book to read just in case i can't find anything good to watch on tv. i'm planning to have my cell phone with me and AIM set up so i can use AIM through my phone (even though type is really painstakingly slow). i guess what would be nice would be to have a laptop if this surgery required me to stay a couple of days. i wonder what public hospital will be the first to have a computer terminal set up for each bed. i don't think we're too far away. but we're definitely not there yet.
my mom will be staying with me probably only through tuesday. hopefully she won't try to keep too busy and actually take some time to relax while she's actually taking 2 days off of work for the first time in ages. i wish i can hang out with my mom and show her around san diego a little bit while she's here but it probably won't be a great idea right after surgery. unfortunately it wasn't meant to be this time.
i'll start progressing from small walks to sitting for longer periods of time starting tuesday since they said i don't require any days of bed rest after i leave the hospital. i'll still probably spend most of my time in bed for the first few days taking it easy.
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
The surgery will be held at Thornton, Aug 11 Monday 9am. (Getting ther 2 hours early with my parents.)
I’ll be knocked out during surgery.
It’s a 2 hour operation. I do need to spend one night at the hospital. And I checked today, the floor is actually made of wood. : )
I won’t need any bed rest at home after surgery. I’ll probably still take that week off and take it easy.
I’ll start work from home the week after starting Monday Aug 18. I’ll probably switch off from my desk to my bed every half hour or so.
I shouldn't be sitting for long periods of time until the doctor gives me the OK, which is usually 4-6 weeks of surgery. An hour and two should be okay. So I'll probably need a desk where i can stand and work. I'm aiming to return to work about 2-3 weeks after surgery...I guess as soon as the desk gets there.
These days are passing by fast! the weekend will be here in no time, weekends go incredibly fast.
I’ll be knocked out during surgery.
It’s a 2 hour operation. I do need to spend one night at the hospital. And I checked today, the floor is actually made of wood. : )
I won’t need any bed rest at home after surgery. I’ll probably still take that week off and take it easy.
I’ll start work from home the week after starting Monday Aug 18. I’ll probably switch off from my desk to my bed every half hour or so.
I shouldn't be sitting for long periods of time until the doctor gives me the OK, which is usually 4-6 weeks of surgery. An hour and two should be okay. So I'll probably need a desk where i can stand and work. I'm aiming to return to work about 2-3 weeks after surgery...I guess as soon as the desk gets there.
These days are passing by fast! the weekend will be here in no time, weekends go incredibly fast.
90% excitement 10% nerves
well, i got a call from neurosurgery today and was surprised to learn that they've scheduled me for surgery on Monday Aug 11 9am. that was quite a shocker since i was expecting late august at the very earliest. this gives me roughly 3 weeks after surgery to recover to celebrate my birthday so this is all good news. all i can hope for now is a successful operation and a quick recovery after surgery. i'm going to have a minimally invasive microsurgical discectomy. basically involves a small incision and removal of herniated part of the disc. a minor operation but then again, we're talking about the spine here. 90% chance of success, 1% chance of complication, 1% chance of infection. numbers look really good.
monday was an absolute shitty day for my group at work. i noticed that one of our servers stopped working right before midnight on sunday, and nguyen and erik had to be called out of a conference. here is the list of events. after the server crash, i just put my pain aside, drove and limped my ass to the machine room at around midnight to discover something was really serious. (when i was there, i wanted to take a quick peek at my desk, but i didn't really want to subject myself to anything i missed but couldn't do anything about)....anyways...nguyen and erik had car pooled and were at irvine, and nguyen had to drive back in erik's car shortly after midnight. nguyen continued to work on the server till 4pm, then erik came back by train. then i think they worked on it together from there, got it back up at 10:30pm. so it was down roughly 23 hours. much longer than we had ever thought it would be down. we probably weren't prepared for such a catastrophy, but i don't think we could have ever anticipated things going this bad severely. plus i was at home. but then again, if i wasn't at home, maybe i would have never detected the problem when it happened. only too late probably as late as the afternoon on monday. so who knows, me being injured could have cut the downtime significantly. i did all i could with my injury, but compared to what nguyen and erik had gone through, i only gave a fraction of effort. good thing i'll be returning to work in a few weeks. if all goes well, i should be returning to work some time around 25th of august. i'll probably not work the week right after surgery. then work from home for a week after that, check with my doctors, and getting the papers signed so that i can return to work. can't wait. hopefully it will be the best early birthday present ever.
casey was nice enough to lend me his tivo while he wasn't using for the summer. so i have it recording all the tv i have ever wanted to watch. and i have already picked up 2 shows: real world and road rules. for the stuff that road rules does, to me, there is nothing greater than what they do on the show. meet new friends and experiencing new things every day. billionaires don't have as much fun. unfortunately they've added a sick twist to it by voting people off, and have tained the show. plus the tasks that they assign them seem like they've been assigned to exploit the crew, not challenge them. for example, they'll be given a task where there is probably no way one person is going to be able to make it. that does bring 10x the drama (because they have to end up voting someone off), so you can't really blame the show creators for not doing their jobs, but i preferred it when no one was voted off and people did missions for adventure, not exploitation. well, now that i know my back really shouldn't be tested to its limits, i know that stuff like that in my future to that extreme is not that great for me. but then there is the real world. to me, that reminds me a lot of the college dorm life. i would love to go live in a house with a bunch of strangers as long as they've been screened by someone of course. even though i'm not perfect myself, i think i would be a good mediator in those situations, and it would be an excellent learning enviornment for everyone including myself. saying that, i wonder if there are any programs like that out there. sign up for some kind of off campus post college "the real world" kind of experience. if anyone knows, let me know. i'm seriously interested. i know i can easily find new roommates, but i'm looking for an actual program. because in these programs (if they do exist) in those enviroments, people are prepped to meet new people, and more open minded than they normally are, without having it seem like they're breaching out of their bubble when they try something new.
well, i got a call from neurosurgery today and was surprised to learn that they've scheduled me for surgery on Monday Aug 11 9am. that was quite a shocker since i was expecting late august at the very earliest. this gives me roughly 3 weeks after surgery to recover to celebrate my birthday so this is all good news. all i can hope for now is a successful operation and a quick recovery after surgery. i'm going to have a minimally invasive microsurgical discectomy. basically involves a small incision and removal of herniated part of the disc. a minor operation but then again, we're talking about the spine here. 90% chance of success, 1% chance of complication, 1% chance of infection. numbers look really good.
monday was an absolute shitty day for my group at work. i noticed that one of our servers stopped working right before midnight on sunday, and nguyen and erik had to be called out of a conference. here is the list of events. after the server crash, i just put my pain aside, drove and limped my ass to the machine room at around midnight to discover something was really serious. (when i was there, i wanted to take a quick peek at my desk, but i didn't really want to subject myself to anything i missed but couldn't do anything about)....anyways...nguyen and erik had car pooled and were at irvine, and nguyen had to drive back in erik's car shortly after midnight. nguyen continued to work on the server till 4pm, then erik came back by train. then i think they worked on it together from there, got it back up at 10:30pm. so it was down roughly 23 hours. much longer than we had ever thought it would be down. we probably weren't prepared for such a catastrophy, but i don't think we could have ever anticipated things going this bad severely. plus i was at home. but then again, if i wasn't at home, maybe i would have never detected the problem when it happened. only too late probably as late as the afternoon on monday. so who knows, me being injured could have cut the downtime significantly. i did all i could with my injury, but compared to what nguyen and erik had gone through, i only gave a fraction of effort. good thing i'll be returning to work in a few weeks. if all goes well, i should be returning to work some time around 25th of august. i'll probably not work the week right after surgery. then work from home for a week after that, check with my doctors, and getting the papers signed so that i can return to work. can't wait. hopefully it will be the best early birthday present ever.
casey was nice enough to lend me his tivo while he wasn't using for the summer. so i have it recording all the tv i have ever wanted to watch. and i have already picked up 2 shows: real world and road rules. for the stuff that road rules does, to me, there is nothing greater than what they do on the show. meet new friends and experiencing new things every day. billionaires don't have as much fun. unfortunately they've added a sick twist to it by voting people off, and have tained the show. plus the tasks that they assign them seem like they've been assigned to exploit the crew, not challenge them. for example, they'll be given a task where there is probably no way one person is going to be able to make it. that does bring 10x the drama (because they have to end up voting someone off), so you can't really blame the show creators for not doing their jobs, but i preferred it when no one was voted off and people did missions for adventure, not exploitation. well, now that i know my back really shouldn't be tested to its limits, i know that stuff like that in my future to that extreme is not that great for me. but then there is the real world. to me, that reminds me a lot of the college dorm life. i would love to go live in a house with a bunch of strangers as long as they've been screened by someone of course. even though i'm not perfect myself, i think i would be a good mediator in those situations, and it would be an excellent learning enviornment for everyone including myself. saying that, i wonder if there are any programs like that out there. sign up for some kind of off campus post college "the real world" kind of experience. if anyone knows, let me know. i'm seriously interested. i know i can easily find new roommates, but i'm looking for an actual program. because in these programs (if they do exist) in those enviroments, people are prepped to meet new people, and more open minded than they normally are, without having it seem like they're breaching out of their bubble when they try something new.
Saturday, August 2, 2003
random stuff
wow, just saw bad boys 2 and i was quite amazed how much i was disappointed. i totally love bad boys 1. in the original bad boys the plot was pretty thin but the characters were very likable, funny, and had great chemistry. plus, the Tea Leoni was smoking hot. in part 2, will smith's character was not well defined. he wasn't the cool and controlled Mike Lawrrry. in the original, if a lot of shit went down, you knew Mike would be calm and in control, and you can say, no worries. just wait for Mike Lawry to do his thing....in this one, he didn't make too much of a seperation from his partner so there was nothing special about the character. Martin Lawrence's character was pretty much the same...he didn't go over the top like he does in every one of his movies. but the fact that Will Smith's character was not in tune, it threw the whole chemistry off. and there was no strong female lead/babe. even if she was replaced with someone that i found more attractive, the script made her part too small. don't these script writers know these basic fundamentals of writing a movie script? just ask anyone who paid attention to why they liked the first one so much, and they'll basically tell you what i've just mentioned. you would expect from someone that is involved in the project to be less clueless.
my card counting is going pretty good. i'm changing up how i scan the cards, and i can count 39 cards in about 22 seconds... so i should theoretically be able to count 3/4 of 6 decks in around 3 minutes. i'll just have to keep working at it when i can count about 235 cards in less than a minute. i've taken a break from practicing perfect pitch and concentrating on card counting. i also bought a supplementary database that shows you how to play half of the hands different when the count is going on. it is a lot of stuff to memorize. but i'm planning to memorize that too.
i started watching this show called Dead Like Me about 6 weeks ago and I'm really starting to love the show. It's on friday's on showtime. but if you don't have showtime like me, you can just get it from suprnova. with bittorrent, who needs premium channels?
wow, just saw bad boys 2 and i was quite amazed how much i was disappointed. i totally love bad boys 1. in the original bad boys the plot was pretty thin but the characters were very likable, funny, and had great chemistry. plus, the Tea Leoni was smoking hot. in part 2, will smith's character was not well defined. he wasn't the cool and controlled Mike Lawrrry. in the original, if a lot of shit went down, you knew Mike would be calm and in control, and you can say, no worries. just wait for Mike Lawry to do his thing....in this one, he didn't make too much of a seperation from his partner so there was nothing special about the character. Martin Lawrence's character was pretty much the same...he didn't go over the top like he does in every one of his movies. but the fact that Will Smith's character was not in tune, it threw the whole chemistry off. and there was no strong female lead/babe. even if she was replaced with someone that i found more attractive, the script made her part too small. don't these script writers know these basic fundamentals of writing a movie script? just ask anyone who paid attention to why they liked the first one so much, and they'll basically tell you what i've just mentioned. you would expect from someone that is involved in the project to be less clueless.
my card counting is going pretty good. i'm changing up how i scan the cards, and i can count 39 cards in about 22 seconds... so i should theoretically be able to count 3/4 of 6 decks in around 3 minutes. i'll just have to keep working at it when i can count about 235 cards in less than a minute. i've taken a break from practicing perfect pitch and concentrating on card counting. i also bought a supplementary database that shows you how to play half of the hands different when the count is going on. it is a lot of stuff to memorize. but i'm planning to memorize that too.
i started watching this show called Dead Like Me about 6 weeks ago and I'm really starting to love the show. It's on friday's on showtime. but if you don't have showtime like me, you can just get it from suprnova. with bittorrent, who needs premium channels?
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